What is s3x?
by Royal Puppet Master
Summary: Tony's ship had crashed on Earth years ago. Earth years ago. Whatever. He had been staying with the country he had landed on. Literally.


Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia: Axis Powers.

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><p>Tony's ship had crashed on Earth years ago. Earth years ago. Whatever. He had been staying with the country he had landed on. Literally. He kinda just socked a landing right on his head. Again whatever. The point is he had been staying with the country of America. Who was the best nation in the Universe. Don't tell the queen. She'd be super pissed.<p>

So, he'd been staying with America. Not a problem since he was awesome and all that junk. He enjoyed America. The sweets and all. There was only one thing he was complaining about. It was that fucking limey that seemed to have invaded America's house for the past few months.

Those two had somehow realised their 'love' and decided to start half way living with each other. Usually he just avoided the limey in another part of the house. It wasn't a real problem until the two were having what the earthlings called sex.

He called it something that would give him a headache if he was in the same house while they were doing it because the limey was a 'screamer' as America called it.

See, he would be perfectly happy right now too if they weren't having sex. Instead of avoiding it, he decided to finally find out exactly what sex looked like. He asked before but America just told him to Google it. That would have worked if he had a computer. America took it away when he started blogging about how stupid the limey was. Apparently it upset him.

So, right now he was outside the door of America's room trying to figure out if he should look in or not. The limey was in there and by the sounds of it the two were having sex. Considering he didn't know what it was it could be dangerous. Like to his eye health or some sh*t like that.

Finally Tony decided to open the door. He regretted it instantly. There America and the limey were naked and America was thrusting his antenna in and out of the limey in a hole he wasn't sure it went.

Needless to say Tony hurled and passed out.

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><p>"You think we should wake him?" America asked England as he looked down at his alien friend.<p>

"He was watching us have sex! Why should we wake him?" England huffed indignantly.

"Because when he fainted he fell into this green puddle. I think it may be toxic. Plus, he's gotta clean it up." America poked Tony with a pencil in an attempt to wake him.

"You can deal with it then. I'm going home."

"But we were gonna do it all day today!" America whined.

"Not when some alien thing is watching us!" England cried and ran out the door.

"Stupid tsundere." He mumbled and went back to waking Tony.

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><p>Tony awoke a few hours later feeling horrible. He looked down at a note America had placed in front of him.<p>

_Dear Tony,_

_I understand that you watched England and I have sex. That is both awkward and disturbing. Please don't do it again. Alright? Great. Now onto other matter. You seem to have left that green puddle from before you fainted and I'm gonna need you to clean that up. I'm in England right now (heheh) and I expect it to be cleaned up when I am finally satisfied and come home._

_Your friend,_

_America._

_P.S. Get some air freshener. It stinks like a mother in there from that green puddle. Use the old mop._

Tony groaned as he read the letter. He had threw up and now he had to clean it up to. He was seriously considering moving in with Japan. At least that man would do this for him. Unfortunately, that man also did it with Greece and they did it a lot. Says America... He was inclined to believe him.

Tony pulled out a cell phone from his pocket of skin he had made to be a pocket like the earthlings had in their pants. He dialed his maids number.

"Come and clean this sh*t up. America demans you to and you can not just deny his demands. Like, that would be seriously wrong. He's the one that pays you when he pays me. So, come and clean this sh*t up and everyone is happy. Thank you and have a nice day." Tony finished his message nicely. What a nice man he was. He wasn't going to pay the maid's gas when she got here. That would be ridiculous. He lived eight light gears away! Do you know how much gas that costs? A whole hell of a lot!

Life pretty much went back to normal after that incident. Tony still avoided England, but now it was for an entirely different reason. Every time he saw the green eyed nation he couldn't help but picture him naked. He didn't want to see the man clothed let alone naked!

So, life went back to normal. He still played with England's fairy friends that America couldn't see. He also had England's fairy friends play pranks on the limey. All in all it was pretty entertaining.

Until his leader gave him the punishment of recording the limey and America having sex so she could understand it better. He shouldn't have said America was the best nation in the world... Yeah right.

This time he didn't even watch them. He just sat the video camera in their room and let them go at it. That was sufficient for his queen for she let him off the hook.

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><p>"Tony! Guess what I got you!" America called entering his room.<p>

"What."

"A... Porno! Guy girl so you can understand the way it should be. Actually, it's Belarus raping Russia with a stick, but close enough. Here you go!" Tony had no idea what rape meant so he watched the video.

He was forever scarred...

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><p>A.N. I'm gonna end it right there. I think it went well. Now I'm gonna work on Italy and Germany which will be a sad story. That or I'm going to let my hands rest and study for my finals. I'm fucking screwed. Good news, I only have to take three out of eight! Yay! I'm taking art, health, and foundations of technology. All easy classes. Plus, even if I fail the final I can still pass the class! Yay! I'm going to get a thirty on my ACT so I can get a full scholarship. -_-''' I have a lot of work to do.


End file.
